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Birthdays

Apparently Birthdays are good for your health. Research has been carried out and they found that the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!

What do you call a teacher with no legs, arms or body?

The Head!


Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no body to go with!
 

Teacher - "Did you know that most accidents at home happen in the kitchen?"

Pupil - "Yes sir, but we still have to eat them!"
 

"James, why have you been suspended from school?"

" Because the boy next to me was smoking"

"But if he was smoking, why were you suspended?"

"Because I was the one who set fire to him!"
 

Why do Elephants have Big Ears?

Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom!
 

James - Why were you late for school this morning?

I was held up a man who saw that sign outside, it said 'Stop Children Crossing'
 

A man got very upset when he went to see a concert in London starring the 3 tenors.

- He expected the ticket to only cost 30!
 

Q. How do you make a hot dog stand?

A. Steal its chair   
(sent in by Bonnie)
 
Q. What bone will a dog never eat?

A. A trombone
(sent in by Bonnie)

After the golfer's fifth attempt to get his ball out of the sand bunker, he told his playing partner
 'The only reason I play golf is to bug my wife.
- She thinks I'm having fun!'
Two old Nuns were walking through a park.

A naked man jumped out in front of them.

They were really shocked.

One of them had a stroke.



... but the other Nun couldn't reach!

 

If you want to save on the costs of batteries for watches and clocks.......
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Only put the batteries in when you want to know the time!
 

Thanks for everyone who's sent in jokes so far
If you have a joke please email it to us:
Jokes@allaboutweybridge.co.uk

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