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A man buys his wife a coat made from 2000 hamster skins.

She wore it when they went to Blackpool for the day ...


he couldn't get her off the big wheel.
 
How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

 
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.
 
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same!
 
Farting in the lift is wrong on so many levels!
 
What 5 letter word, written upside down, reads the same the normal way up ?

SWIMS


What do you call a man with an elephant on his head?

A flatmate!


What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff!


What gets wetter as it dries?
 

A towel


A man goes to town on Friday, spends 2 days in town and then comes home on Friday. How can this happen?

His horse is called Friday
 

The RSPCA raided the local fish shop yesterday, because of accusations of cruelty.

A woman had phoned them and said the fish were being battered!
 

I used to work at Kwik-Fit

- but I gave up the job

- every day I was tyred and exhausted!
Why did the golfer wear two sets of waterproofs?

In case he got a hole in one!
 
What do you get if you drop a grand piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor!
 

Thanks for everyone who's sent in jokes so far
If you have a joke please email it to us:
Jokes@allaboutweybridge.co.uk

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